One Dead PC

I work on a computer all day long.  In between conference calls, running to meetings, putting out fires, and smoothing feathers I take a few minutes to login my food for the day on the WW website.  I don’t have a smart phone yet.  I’m too tight fisted to pay an additional $30 per month for the web access.  So having my WW website to view is a lifesaver when I’m tempted to gnaw a path through the snack table outside of my office.  It’s calming and reassuring to be able to enter my food, calculate points, and watch the weight graph as my weight slowly decreases.

My PC has been iffy for some time.  Taking a long time to boot up, processor running at 100% when I’m not doing anything.  So recently the PC gods saw fit to replace it yesterday.  It has a new platform I have to become accustomed to.  I can that ‘cause I’m flexible.  New keyboard that feels different, not necessarily bad.  So I boot it up and see what she’ll do.

Everything’s fine as I log into WW.  I can read success stories and articles.  Ok, I go to my points tracker to enter my food… IT DOESN’T WORK!!  Panic!  I don’t know if it’s because of the pop-up blocker or some PC setting.  I feel helpless without my WW tools.  I know what I’ve eaten.  I can probably tell you the points value of everything.  But the simple task of logging points has knocked me out of my orbit.  I’m a creature of habit.

So I find this long, round plastic object filled with a blue liquid that I’m told is ink.  The apparatus is called a “pen”.  You drag it across paper and it leaves markings.  How quaint.  So I use this pen-thing and write on something crinkly called paper.  It’s not electronic, but at least it satisfies the logging urge.

It's a GRRRRRRRRRR Day!

For some reason I have a GRRRRRRRR attitude today.  Little things that don’t normally bother me are ticking me off.  I have a cup I keep at work to make sure I get my water.  I carried it to the car when I left Friday because I had just refilled it.  I left it there so I would be sure to have it today.  I get to work this morning and reach for it only to find it’s not in the little cup holder.  Hubby must have taken it in the house.  Now I know he had good intentions, but it’s really bugging me.  A co-worker came into my office reeking of cologne.  It normally doesn’t bother me, but today I feel like I’m being smothered.  Ah...  I have a solution.  We all know that a Twinkie, liberally applied over several hours, can help to relieve such emotions, right?   

In the past goofy little incidents like this would have immediately caused the “gotta-stuff-my-face” reaction.  That’s not my immediate reaction today.  I’m proud to say that food as a pacifier didn’t cross my mind.  (I’ve been brain washed!!)  Instead, I got away from my desk (and the overly-scented co-worker) and went for a short walk.  I dug around and found another cup to suffice until I can bring mine from home.  I’m looking for a clothes-pin for my nose so I can breathe.  Maybe a binder clip? 

p.s. Weight loss update:  18 lbs.!!

Hamster Wheel

    

This blog isn’t necessarily about weight loss, but it’s indirectly affected by it.  Lately I feel like a hamster running on one of those little wire wheels.  I run, run, run, and never seem to get anywhere.  And yes, it’s mostly my own fault.

Current schedule of a typical month: 

·         quilt club meeting

·         book club meeting

·         church session meeting (I’m an elder)

·         church committee meeting

·         Cub Scout committee meeting (I’m the Cubmaster)

·         Cub Scout event (during the summer) or

·         four weekly Cub Scout meetings (during the school year)

·         at least one crop (that’s code for scrapbooking for those of you who don’t know)

·         church each Sunday

Somewhere in there are also my workouts at the gym or the alternative of walking in the evening.  I read a lot.  I also do a lot of crafts besides scrapbooking and quilting – sewing, making jewelry, polymer clay, painting…  That’s currently all until I come up with something else to do.  Then there’s the house to clean, grocery shopping, laundry, and spending quality time with family and friends.  There’s some time scheduled in there somewhere to breathe.  I think.  All of this used to make me cringe and feel exhausted even though it’s of my own doing.

I often hear that as women we often don’t take the time for ourselves that we should.  We’re so busy caring for everyone else that we don’t take time for us.  OK, so I’m selfish.  A lot of the stuff listed above is for me.  Now I’ve added to it weight loss. 

The weight loss is for me.  I feel much better physically.  I don’t know if that’s due to not having so much lard to drag around behind me or because I’m eating better and fueling my body.  I feel better mentally because I know I’m doing something I have to in order to be the best that I can.  Not to mention that Skinny Brain kicks in and I feel “foxy”.  (OK, go ahead and laugh now.) 

So in afterthought I’ve decided that I’ve not gotten anywhere, I’ve gotten everywhere!  I now have the energy to jump on my little hamster wheel and take off for the next meeting or whatever is on the schedule.  I guess it’s all related more than I first thought.

Back to the wheel…

Skinny Brain

OK, I’ve decided I have reverse anorexia.  (This in no way is making light of those who have this awful disorder.)  Anorexics look in the mirror and see themselves as being heavier than they really are.  In my Skinny Brain (hereafter referred to as SB) I’m about a size 12 at most.  When I look in the mirror, the reflection I’m seeing doesn’t match up.  What’s up with that?

Another thing.  This week is a good example.  So far I’ve lost almost 15 lbs.  I can tell a big difference in the way my clothes fit and in how I feel.  So my Skinny Brain (hereafter referred to as SB) is now about down to a size 8.  I look in the mirror and that’s not what I see. 

I KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS!  SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THE MIRROR!  Now how goofy is that? 

Sometimes it is a bit difficult to deal with.  My SB is impatient to reach my 135 lb. goal, but it is also wise enough to know the best way to do so is slowly or we’ll be repeating this again… and again… and…   Maybe having SB isn’t so bad after all.  I can visualize how I want to look and how healthy I’ll feel and be.  And maybe being hmmm… “older” (man, I hate saying that) has it’s advantages in that I care not just how I look, but about my health too.  At this stage of the game that’s probably the biggest reason for doing this.  My Zach will be 10 years old in three weeks.  I’m 51.  I already have the odds against me for spending a lot of years with him so I want to be around as long as possible.

Yeah, Skinny Brain!   

Flat Tires

I read something recently that said if your car has one flat tire, you don’t just go and flatten the other three.  Your weight loss effort should be the same.  Just because you have a bad moment doesn’t mean you have to throw away the entire day.  Plug the tire and move on down the road.  In days past I flattened every tire on the car lot.

Diabetes runs in my family.  I’m doomed and know it, so why am I setting myself up for all of the health problems that I see Mom dealing with after 30 years of diabetes?  It’s like I’m playing Russian roulette, but using a Hershey bar instead of a gun.  Besides the health aspect, I don’t like what I see in the mirror.  Short and cute, but pudgy.  Yup, there it is – PUDGY.  Pudgy is not a pretty or cute word.  I admit it, I’m vain.  I want be slender and have eyes look me over as I pass by.  I DON’T want someone to say “but she has a pretty face”. 

I walked in and met Diet Lucifer standing in front of my office door holding a box of fresh donuts she stopped and picked up this morning.  I admired them as expected, said thank you, but no thank you, and continued on to the fridge to pick up my cottage cheese to have with two Rykrisp crackers.  One my tires ran over a pothole, but fortunately remained strong.  We’ll see how the remainder of the day goes. 

Saga of the Green M&M

Several years ago I worked in a cubicle farm.  (You know, one of those places where someone yelled "Doughnuts!"and a bunch of heads pop up over the wall like a game of Whack-A-Mole.)  We were being moved from one area to another so we had to box up our stuff in preparation for the movers.  The cubes weren't very large so you stuffed your stuff wherever you could find an empty spot.  My spot of choice was under my desk.  I had cleared most of the miscellaneous junk out from under my desk and had to crawl under to get the last bits.  So there I am on my hands and knees under the desk when I see IT in the dark recesses of the back corner.  IT was a green M&M.

It was smooth.  It's surface uncracked.  Lying there with the little M&M stamp staring up at me smugly.  How long had it been there?  I love M&Ms so it easily could have been mine.  I'd been in that cube for several years, but it's possible it was there when I moved in.  It has a hard candy shell so you know it's sanitary.  Hmmm...

Now you have to understand what was going on at that point in my weight loss career.  I had just completed my Weight Watchers leader training after reaching my lifetime goal.  So why am I obsessed by this little green critter?  Food obsession to the MAX.  Did I eat it?  I don't think so, but I honestly don't remember, but that started a thought process of why that stopped me dead in my tracks.  I began to analyze the real reason that I wanted it and discovered it wasn't because of the candy, but because of my underlying emotions.  That's when I learned to deal with them by working through them instead of a one pound bag of M&Ms.

Moral of the story:  We all have our own version of the little green M&M.  I have more recent versions, but I know now that I know how to deal with it, I just think back to this and laugh.

The Pudgy Penguin begins!!

What on earth is The Pudgy Penguin? It's what I've created in the hopes it will help me to hold myself accountable during the long trek to return to my ideal weight and to maintain a healthy and active lifestyle. I know how to do this stuff. You know the "talk the talk, walk the walk"? Well, this Penguin can talk, but at times has had more of a waddle than a walk.

I'm 51 years old (yeah, old enough to know better), have tried diets of Atkins, South Beach, Alli, Weight Watchers and various versions of my own making. To add insult to injury, I was a WW leader 20 years ago. So I know the drill, butI don't do well living it. I discovered WW online last year.  Using it in conjunction with joining a gym I lost 35 pounds (with a goal of losing 70) and felt better than I had in years.  Then life got in the way and I fell off the wagon. I not only fell off of it, but have tracks from where it ran over me. And regained most of the 35 pounds in the process.

Fast forward one year. I've finally had my first ever physical and everything is text book perfect... except my weight. Mom and both Grandmas had Type II diabetes so why am I stuffing my face and waiting for the bomb to drop? WAKE UP CALL!

So in late May I dusted off my online WW membership,stocked the fridge and pantry with good eats and waddled forward. To date I've lost 14.2 pounds. It's a long way to a 70 pound loss from here,but I know it's the only way I'll get there. Placing one little flipper in front of the other.